when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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