he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
