My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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