I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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