why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
