what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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