I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
