I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
