garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
