sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't deserve a penis
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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