I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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