Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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