just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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