and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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