redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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