as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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