your parents love me but you hate me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
