Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
