sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
