he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
