She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
where are you?
Hypothermia
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
