just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you never un-have a 4some
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
