i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
