We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
