i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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