Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
