yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
