One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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