the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
