I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
