you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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