Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
