You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
