last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
