Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
