singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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