EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
