you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
