Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
