she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
