sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
