I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
