so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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