Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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