His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
