yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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