no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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