You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
