Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
