he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Watching her eat just hurts me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
