After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
