He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
