i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
