what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
