His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
