why didn't you poke me back
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.