Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
