I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.