what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.