Nicole vs. Life
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange