Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?