So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.