sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time