I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
only you would photoshop your dick
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I could fuck to npr.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?