I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
