You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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