you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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