shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
