I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need moral support for this bender
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
