Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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