I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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