I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he thought i was a dude.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
