every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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