I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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