I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
