Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He shit in the fireplace
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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