he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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