i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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